Team BLUE!

Holy crap we're having a BOY!!! We found out yesterday during my first trimester screening. I was shocked that we were able to see "it" so clearly, I was only 13w0d!

But alas, there on the screen we saw the unmistakable "toilet shot", and the ultrasound tech announced quite confidently that we are indeed having another son.

I'm feeling a little shocked, and if I'm being honest - a wee bit sad. I've been hoping for another girl, mostly because I have such a close relationship with my own sister and I wanted that experience for Gracie. And also for selfish reasons - I feel like emotionally this will be much harder for me to handle since it's a boy. I worry that I will forever be comparing him to Isaac ... the way he looks, the way he talks, the way he runs, the way he laughs ... wondering if that's the way Isaac would have been. I was hoping it would be a girl in part so I wouldn't have to deal with some of those emotional complexities.

BUT .... once again God's plan is His own and I am getting on board. It will be an adventure shopping for blue for a change! I've already started peeking at cute little blue nursery decor online - though I don't have the guts to actually purchase a single thing!

With the gender discovery, of course, has come the inevitable battle over the perfect name. And once again, James and I can't agree on a single thing! We always have the hardest time with this! James is set on the name Cash, in honor of his pseudo-hero Johnny Cash. I think the name is cute ...... FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S KID. But not for mine. Can't explain it really other than to say it's just kinda weird. Gracie loves the name because it makes her giggle, so last night the two of them were double-teaming me, begging "puleeeeeeze let us name the baby Cash!". I told James no, I don't like it, the name is weird, and not to mention -- what in the world could we possibly use for a middle name since it's so strange, I mean what goes with Cash? Gracie came rushing in from the other room shouting, "REGISTER!!!!". So apparently at this point my child's name will be Cash Register Wren. Fantastic.

In other news .... my latest hematology tests have me breathing into a paper bag. Went to the hematologist last week, though for some reason I got stuck with the nurse practitioner rather than the doctor. Won't be making that mistake again -- she was completely clueless. But my Protein S numbers have plummeted dramatically, hence the bag-breathing. Recall that I have an inherited heterozygous Type III Protein S Deficiency. Sometimes it's referred to as Type IIb rather than Type III. In a nutshell, there are three types of Protein S measurements: "total", which measures the actual amount of protein in your blood, "free", which measures only the amount of protein that isn't already bound to other blood components, and "functional", which measures how well the protein is actually working (irrespective of the amount present). My disorder, Type III, is a functional deficiency, which means my free and total #s are both normal but my functional #s are abnormal. For instance, my functional levels have hovered around the upper-40's to low-50's over the last two years (normal is considered 60-120), while my free and total numbers have always stayed in the normal range.

At this office visit, Nurse Know-Nothing reports to me that my functional #s are down to 24. (I have honestly never even *heard* of numbers this low before.) And to top if off, she tells me I now have a free deficiency as well - down from the normal range to just 27. When I asked her if this will cause a major problem, she shrugs and says "I'm not really sure, but as long as you keep taking your lovenox then I think you should be okay". Well that's super reassuring. Convinced I'm going to drop dead from a pulmonary embolism as soon as I get in my car to drive home, I asked her if it's possible that pregnancy would artificially drop my numbers so dramatically, at which point she tells me - again - she's not sure but I could google it if I wanted. Yes, that's right, that was the advice given to me from the licensed Nurse-Practitioner at the hematologist's office, the folks who are supposed to be knowledgeable specialists in blood disorders. I was furious ... I take time off of my day, arrange childcare for Gracie, sit in your waiting room for an hour and a half, pay my $40 copay, and you want me to GOOGLE IT?!?!?

Needless to say, I'm looking for a new hematologist.

Big Sister

Up until now we have been very hesitant to share the baby news with Gracie. Primarily out of fear that something awful will go wrong and then we'll have to explain that to her. Not too long ago she named one of her stuffed animals "Cemetary", at which point I nearly lost it. No 4-year old should have to know so much about death. It bothers me immensely, but looking back on everything I know we handled it the best way we could under the circumstances. But hoping to spare her from any more tragedies, James and I have agreed to keep the pregnancy from her as long as possible.

Well today we ventured to the pumpkin patch with our friends, Sherry and Andy, and their two little ones. Their daughter, Malina, is best pals with Gracie ... they go to school and dance class together.

Poor Sherry is just two weeks shy of delivering her third bundle and looks like she wants to POP! I remain so impressed with her total mobility and her normal good spirits ... I can only pray I will be in such good shape when I'm nearing my own due date! As we arrived and began chatting, Sherry pulled me aside (out of earshot of Malina and Gracie), and tells me that she had been discussing my pregnancy with Malina. She had told Malina that yes Ms. Kristi has a baby in her tummy but you can't tell Gracie because she doesn't know yet. Malina responded that yes Gracie does know already .... earlier in the week Gracie told Malina "my mommy has a baby but don't tell anyone because it's a secret!".

I was stunned! I knew she was a perceptive little thing, but never in a million years thought she would figure it out on her own. Any time we have discussed the pregnancy in her presence we always spelled key words, like B-A-B-Y. Surely she's no spelling genius at age 4, but somehow she managed to figure it out nonethless. Adding to my amusement is her keen awareness that her mommy's pregnancy must be a secret because no one has announced it to her yet!

Once he learned that the cat is already out of the bag, James immediately wanted to tell her all about it. I was still hesitant, but relented. As we tucked her into bed tonight, James asked her "do you know what's inside Mommy's tummy?". Gracie's eyes widened significantly and a little smile curled the edge of her lips in anticipation. She said, "Noooo?". Then he told her, "there's a baby in there!". She immediately began SCREAMING and shouting and running in circles around her room. I had no idea a preschooler could get so excited about a sibling. I wish so badly that James had warned me he was about to spill the beans, so I could have videotaped it. Her reaction was truly priceless. After jumping and squeeling in excitement she immediately began pulling open all her dresser drawers and hurredly shouting instructions that we must go to Target and buy some diapers and baby pajamas. She then begged me to use the phone so she could call everyone and share the great news. We allowed her to call all her grandparents and both sets of Aunts. Each time she was screaming so loudly into the phone that no one could understand a word she said.

So tonight I go to bed with sticky fingers (from the pumpkin-carving of course), and a warm heart knowing that my little girl is going to make a fantastic sister.