Meet Baby Wren #4!

Well, it's official. We had our second ultrasound last week, this time we saw a teeny tiny embryo and a perfect little heartbeat fluttering away at 133 beats per minute. Baby is measuring 2-4 days small but Dr. Garcia feels that all is well.

My actual due date is January 19, though of course our ultimate goal will be 36wks again which would put us around December 22-ish. At this point I feel compelled to confess:

I am still in complete disbelief that this is actually happening.

Dunno why I can't seem to wrap my brain around the whole thing ... we've known for weeks now and yet I haven't seemed to move past the shock and denial of it all. I certainly am beginning to feel pregnant --- a little nausea here and there and fatigue so severe that most afternoons I have to prop my eyelids open with toothpicks. I'm still in the gym twice a week (trying to hold on as long as I can ...) but in general I just feel WEAK. It's weird how something so tiny can physically wreak havoc on you in a matter of days really. From an emotional standpoint I would be lying if I didn't admit I'm feeling quite disconnected from this little life, which I know from experience is just a self-defense mechanism so I'm trying not to heap guilt on myself for it. I know the bonding part will come in time .... I'm planning to not let myself wait until 20+ weeks like I did last time!

I've been back on the lovenox injections nightly for about three weeks now .... needless to say my poor abdomen is completely covered in dark purple spots. I actually never completely got rid of the bruised-tummy look, despite the fact that I was off the shots for a total of 1 year and 4 days. I've been carrying around two gigantic brown bruises, about 2-inches in diameter, on either side of my belly-button for over a year now. These are souvenirs from Jamin. I've had several different doctors look at them (hematologist, dermatologist, obstetrician), and they've all told me various versions of the same thing: these are signs of deep tissue damage caused by repeated trauma of lovenox and heparin shots. They may continue to fade with time, but all of my doc's have gently suggested that I try to get used to them, as they are likely to be permanent without some kind of laser treatment. My hematologist explained that the heparin is probably to blame more than the lovenox ... bruising and scaring on heparin tends to be worse and I was injecting heparin for a total of 16 weeks due to preterm labor, rather than the 2 or 3 weeks we had originally planned. I am quite offended that nobody warned me about this ahead of time! And I'm secretly hoping that maybe if I am able to stick with the lovenox for a longer period of time this go-round maybe I can avoid more ugly scars. Well, a girl can hope anyways. In the meantime I've been trying to rotate my injection sites around every night, in an effort to share the love so to speak, and not bombard one or two spots repeatedly. I have no idea if this means that I am less likely to get two giant areas of "tissue trauma", or if it just means I will end up with twenty little spots of "tissue trauma". I also can't decide which is worse.

A month ago I was actually looking forward to getting a new bikini this summer. Now ........ mmmmm ......... notsomuch. Here is the last "normal" picture I will probably have of myself for awhile, taken on Memorial Day (7weeks) before the bruising got bad:

Please excuse my ultra-grumpy expression .... I think I was annoyed at James because he was rushing me. :) Not my fault ......... it's the HORMONES!!!

33 Fun-Facts

Growing up, my family would always kid that I was the queen of "fun-facts", a.k.a ........ useless bits of information that most people don't really care much about. Today I've decided it would be fun to share 33 little facts about my pregnancy, to celebrate 33 weeks of pregnancy. Many thanks to my dear friend Katie for sharing this idea. So sit back, pay close attention, and get your #2 pencils ready. There will be a pop quiz sometime next week.


1. I am now 33 weeks pregnant. To date, I have had 16 ultrasounds, 47 doctors appointments, 19 cervical exams, and approximately 304 needle sticks. The needle number breaks down to 140 lovenox shots, 17 progesterone injections, 112 heparin shots, 27 blood draws, 1 diabetes screening, 2 steriod injections at the hospital, and 5 IV's.

2. In an average week, I'm currently having about 672 contractions, swallowing 63 pills, choking down about 70 peppermint Tums, and spending 21+ hours attached to my toco monitor.

3. I tried to count the number of times I've complained ..... but let's just be realistic .... totally impossible to estimate.

4. Maternity clothes and I don't really get along. After three pregnancies, I can honestly say that I have never owned a single pair of maternity pants that fit me. This time around, I decided not to waste my money, and instead focused on buying "normal" clothes one size bigger than I would normally wear. This method has worked beautifully, up until about 2-3 weeks ago. It now requires a small miracle to button my jeans, and the change to warmer weather has left me with no short-sleeved shirts to wear. I refuse to buy anything else, though, since I only get to leave the house for doctor appointments and I keep thinking the baby will come any day now.

5. I am secretly terrified that I'm going to stab Jamin in the head with my heparin needle. The logical part of me knows this is pretty much impossible to do with a normal-sized syringe, but the mom part of me worries nonetheless. Since I inject in my stomach, right near the belly button, I practically hold my breath every 12 hours and try to think happy thoughts. This has gotten especially difficult lately, since Jamin moves and rolls and kicks non-stop, so injecting is like trying not to hit a moving target. I can literally feel him rolling under my fingers when I put the needle in. Add in a dose of terbutaline, which results in uncontrollably shaky hands, and you can understand my paranoia.

6. I recently found out that heparin is made from the intestinal mucous of a pig. Yes you read that correctly. Apparently the same is true for lovenox. I learned this lovely little tidbit after asking Dr. Garcia why the pamphlets from the pharmacy have warnings about allergies to pork and pork products. Since Dr. Garcia is constantly kidding around and exaggerating for the sake of a good laugh, I honestly thought his explanation was a joke until I got home and looked at my heparin vials. Sure enough, right there on the packaging, it says: "Porcine Intestinal Mucosa". So now when I inject my heparin, I must control my fear of stabbing the baby, steady my trembling terbualine hands, beg Jamin to hold still, AND I must also control my gag reflex while fighting off visions of pig intestines. It's gotten to be quite a task!

7. I have a medic-alert bracelet, which I ordered the very first week of my pregnancy. I wear it every single time I leave the house because I have this fear that I will collapse while alone in public and no one will know what the heck to do with me. My bracelet contains my name, a description of my most important injections, a list of my drug allergies, and emergency contact numbers for James and Dr. Garcia. I honestly won't venture past the mailbox without that thing on my arm.

8. If I have a choice between drinking a glass of water, or a coke, I almost always go for the coke. Yes I often feel guilty for it. But I'm almost positive it doesn't make me a bad mother.

9. I am convinced that I have taken more medication during this pregnancy than I have in the previous 29 years of my life combined. I have no way of proving that, but nonetheless I'm quite positive it's true. And it bothers me immensely.

10. I'm equally convinced that I know more details about pregnancy complications than most medical professionals. I can easily quote statistical studies of cervical measurements and their corresponding rates of preterm delivery, the failure rates of 17P, or the percentage of fetal fibronectin inaccuracies.

11. I haven't been able to touch my toes since around Christmas-time. I normally keep a strict foot-regimen and maintain my own professional-looking pedi, but my lack of flexibility has resulted in an embarrassingly unkempt appearance. Every week when I see Dr. Garcia and put my feet up in those dreaded stirrups, I feel the overwhelming need to apologize. He usually rolls his eyes, and tells me that he's seen lots of gross things in all his years of medical practice and unpainted toenails don't even crack his top 100. I believe him, yet feel embarrassed anyways.

12. I *can* still shave my legs, though doing so requires a serious feat of olympic-worthy gymnastics. By the time I'm done I'm so exhausted that I literally have to sit down in the shower to catch my breath, at which point I half expect to see Bela Karolyi burst in shouting, "Zat vaz faantasteek my leetle friend!" while waiving a gold medal and a bouquet of wild flowers in the air. But so far, no Bela ... no gold medal ... and no acknowledgement of my super-human one-footed back-bending abilities. It's kind of disappointing to be honest.

13. I can personally attest to the fact that it really IS possible to get heartburn from ingesting only a sip of water. It makes no difference what I eat, or when I eat, or how much I eat. Even when I DON'T eat ..... the result is constant unbearable heartburn. In the morning I wake up, on an empty stomach, with heartburn. If I'm in a sitting position, but bend over slightly (to write, or type, or sew) I can literally feel acid coming up my throat. I have tried Zantac, Tagament, Protonix, and endless bottles of Tums. There is no cure.

14. Despite spending countless hours confined to my bed ..... I hardly EVER turn on the the tv. I spend most of my time playing games with Gracie, or surfing with the computer in my lap, or on the phone, or making lists, or working on sewing projects. Honestly the only time my tv gets turned on is when Gracie wants to watch Noggin, or when James gets home from work.

15. I remain amazed/horrified/entranced/scared to death by the endless ways pregnancy alters my body. So far I have gained 15 lbs, but my waist has grown NINE INCHES! Yes I measure it. No I'm not obsessed. I just like to record every detail, it's so neat to look back on later. I can tell you, for instance, that while I currently weigh less than I did when 33 wks pregnant with Gracie, my tummy is much larger in size now than it was back then.

16. A few weeks ago I noticed that I'm developing melasma on my upper cheeks. This is the nicely-named "mask of pregnancy" .... basically extra pigment, though it should be only temporary, praise Jesus. I never had this with either of the other two pregnancies, but it's quite ugly. One more ego-buster on top of all the other ego-busters pregnant mommies must endure ....

17. Hormones will apparently cause extra hair to grow in strange places. 'Nuff said on that subject.

18. I am baffled and completely intimidated at the prospect of shopping for a nursing bra.

19. I often worry about the physical difficulties I may face after Jamin is born .... just getting my body to function normally again. Right now I can only walk short distances without pain shooting thru my weakened leg muscles, and a trip up the stairs causes serious fatigue and breathlessness. Most days I feel like a 30-year-old woman in a 90-year-old body.

20. I've decided whoever started the rumor that "pregnancy is beautiful" has clearly never been pregnant before. See #4, #11, #12, #15, #16, and #17.

21. The later stages of pregnancy have given me crazy dreams. Not the "oh-la-la" kind of crazy dreams, but the "I-need-a-psychiatric-evaluation" kind of crazy dreams.

22. I have learned that people really do stare when you go to a public place in a wheelchair. Traveling this way has been a very eye-opening experience.


23. I am completely terrified of getting stretch marks. So twice a day, for the duration of my pregnancy, I have slathered $79-a-bottle prevention cream all over my abdomen. I have no idea if it will actually make a difference, but my fear of stretch marks is worse than my fear of wasting money.

24. Sometimes in conversation when I'm talking about Jamin, I accidentally call him Isaac. It freaks me out and I hate it.

25. I have a freakish-looking marble-sized hand tumor on the top of my right wrist. Dr. Garcia tells me it's just a ganglion cyst .... basically a minor thing but a serious annoyance. Occasionally my three middle fingers will go numb. Dr. Garcia referred me to his hand surgeon and I'm planning to pay him a visit once I'm not pregnant anymore (I think I have enough doctors for the time being!)

26. Despite my now proficient use of needles, I *still* have to look away EVERY SINGLE TIME I have a blood draw. There are just some things you don't ever get used to.

27. I've had my packed hospital bag sitting by the door for the last 7 weeks, and I'm convinced that the one time I forget to bring my cellphone to the doctor with me will inevitably be the time I am sent to the hospital in labor.

28. I find myself extremely annoyed by the women who sail through pregnancy with zero complications but yet have the nerve to make a huge fuss about minor things like swollen feet.

29. I absolutely, unequivocally, can not WAIT to have my body and my life back ... yet at the same time I know, without a doubt (because I am nuts), that in the very near future I will feel extremely sad and miss being pregnant.

30. I am astounded to think of how drastically my perspective has changed from the first pregnancy to the third. The things that seemed so gigantically worrisome the first time -- like whether I'd require a C-Section or whether I'd master the art of breastfeeding -- really seem so trivial to me now. I could honestly care less about that stuff at this point, as long as my baby ends up safely at home with me.

31. I've had to physically restrain myself from choking people who find out about my bedrest situation and make comments like, "I sure wish **I** could lay in bed all day and have people waiting on **me** hand and foot!!!" ...... as if being stripped of your freedom, confined to your bed for 23 hours a day and allowed to do NOTHING beyond wiping your own bottom and worrying endlessly about the safety of your baby and the well-being of your family is actually a VACATION and not TORTURE.

32. My needle bruises have served as comic relief throughout my pregnancy. About 2 months ago I was making an "emergency" trip to Dr. Garcia's office ... it was one of those scheduled over the phone, be-here-in-30-minutes kind of appointments. I have *never* seen any other provider at his office, because I just have too much going on and no one else really wants to deal with me, but on this day Dr. Garcia was out so they stuck me in quickly to see a midwife named Mia, who was super sweet. She made jovial conversation with me, checked me out, and then lifted my shirt to do the "push on your belly" maneuver .... at which point she stopped dead in her tracks. Her lighthearted demeanor immediately became urgently serious, and she pulled up a chair, sat down next to my exam table, and grabbed my hand. Thinking she must've seen something hugely problematic, I began to panic. Then she looked right into my eyes and said, "Kristi, I need you to tell me right now how you got those bruises on your stomach. Is your husband unhappy about the pregnancy?"

33. In spite of all the hardships and challenges this whole experience has brought us, I don't regret our decision to take the plunge. Even if I had known eighteen months ago all that was in store for us, I would choose to do it again without hesitation. I'm just so grateful to be pregnant.

Bye Bye Bruises?

I'm almost afraid to say anything for fear that I will jinx it. But I will hold my breath and do it anyway .....

I think I might be done with the black-and-blue-tummy-look I've been sporting since August.

This is a super-big deal for me. And it's all thanks to this:

That's my new friend, Heparin. Now I'm no fan of medicine, and especially not the kind that requires needles. But this stuff .... ahhhh .... has been a nice change. For 27 weeks I have injected myself with Lovenox each night before bed. Lovenox is Heparin's less polite cousin. They essentially do the same thing - thin the blood - but Lovenox stays in your system for 24hours, while Heparin washes out after about 8-12. There are a few other differences too, but this is the main one. Doctors like lovenox because it's more stable in your system and requires less vigilent monitoring. Patients like lovenox because the syringes are pre-filled and only have to be injected once a day. The problem with lovenox is that you can't deliver a baby while taking it. There's a pesky little quandry of bleeding to death during delivery (generally not the desired outcome), and the fact that you can not have an epidural while it's in your system (which remember, is 24hours after you've taken your shot). So usually doctors will switch their pregnant lovenox users over to heparin around 36-38wks, in preparation for delivery. Heparin will be out of your system 8-12 hours after you inject, plus it's effects can be reversed with another medication (yep, another shot) once you get to the hospital if they see that labor is progressing quickly. Lovenox, on the other hand, can not be reversed. If you're on it when you go into labor you're kinda screwed.

Rather than waiting until week 36-38 to make the switch, my doctors have been planning all along to switch me around week 32, since I've never actually made it to week 36. But in light of last week's events, they have decided instead to switch me now at week 27. Technically I could deliver any day, though of course that's not the plan, but it's not worth the risk to stay on the Lovenox.

So, Wednesday I saw my hemotologist and OB. We ditched the Lovenox and welcomed Heparin into our home. I was less than excited about the switch, because originally my doctors were telling me I would have to inject Heparin THREE TIMES A DAY, yikes! I have been majorly struggling to manage once a day with Lovenox, so the thought of 3x's the needles made me want to cry. As my tummy grows and the skin gets tighter and tighter, it gets more and more difficult to inject. Each night gets more painful and takes longer to complete. So I was dreading the switch to 3 times a day.

Well, Wednesday I got two pleasant surprises: (1) My doc changed her mind and decided twice a day was enough; and (2) The needles are waaaaay smaller and way easier to inject! Because the syringes are not prefilled (instead you draw it up from the vial), you can pretty much use any size needle you want. My sweet pharmacist at Publix hooked me up with insulin needles, they are teeeeeny tiny and I can barely even feel them going in! So while I now have double the needles, the whole process is seriously half the trouble. Hardly any pain, and ...... dare I speculate ...... less bruising???????

Well it's only been two days so I don't know for sure yet about the bruising. But I'm hopeful that there will be an improvement. I will happily bid a fond farewell to my pitiful blue and purple sidekicks and welcome that nice smooth photogenic bump that I see in all my pregnancy magazines.

It may be premature to celebrate, since it's only been two days, but I'm doing it anyways. This morning I took what will hopefully be my last picture of lovenox bruises. They are a few days old now and finally starting to fade:




And just for giggles, since we're documenting it all, let's just compare this bulging image to it's predacessor. Here I am back in early September, after my first week of Lovenox:




Ahhhh, yes .... that was back when my belly button went IN instead of OUT. And there were some muscles in there somewhere. I almost don't remember what that feels like. *SIGH*

As for the rest of my week, here's the abbreviated update: My cervix is measuring about the same (praise the LORD!). My doc's are planning to increase the home care I'm receiving from Matria and sweet nurse, Sharon (the one with the 40-foot needles). There is some confusion, however, as to what exactly the doctor has ordered. One says an NST (non-stress test) and home monitoring each week, the other says a terbutaline pump. I'm praying it's only the former, because the thought of a terb pump has me shaking already. That stuff is horrendous ... I took it by pill every 4hours with Gracie, but now the new technology allows it to be attached to your hip with a needle under the skin, and it pumps out a continuous dose 24-hours a day sub-Q. I'm trying not to think about it until I know for sure what they've decided. It will be Monday before I hear back on that. Dr. Mann was initially saying NO on the terb pump because she's afraid it will make me lose more weight (nausea and vomiting are common on the pump, in addition to the tremors and shaking you normally get with the oral dose).

Apparently I've somehow managed to lose 4lbs since returning home from the hospital last week. I have no clue how. I've literally laid here in bed eating double-cheeseburgers. And my biggest form of exercise consists of wiggling my big toe. So go figure. I had been up 12lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight; but since losing 4 that now makes me +8 overall. So yesterday Dr. Mann had a mild hissy fit and told me that I have to start drinking Ensure three times a week. And then said she's afraid to order a terb pump because she doesn't want me to lose any more. Dr. Garcia, on the other hand, hasn't said a single word about my weight .... he's waaaaaay more laid back about that stuff.

Those of you who know me well know that food and I have always been great friends. Particularly the yummy fatty variety. So no worries ... I'm eating lots! Today, in fact, I had a large bacon-egg-and-cheese buscuit, a coke, and a piece of pound cake for breakfast. Maybe I should take a picture of myself eating all this junk to quiet down Dr. Mann?

Let's see, what else? We've rented a wheelchair to make my trips to the doctor a little easier. I asked Dr. Mann yesterday if I could go to church Sunday if I take the wheelchair and promise not to stand up .... she said absolutely not! I'm very bummed about that but I will try again next week! I haven't been to church since Jan 4 and it's killing me.

I was at the doctor three times this week. I have three doc's and they each want to see me once a week. It's kind of tough getting out to Northside and Piedmont in my condition, I have to have someone drive me now ... we're trying to make arrangements so that I will have less visits each week. Although for me the doctor's visits help my sanity because it's the only time I'm allowed out of bed and it's nice to have a reason to wash my hair every now and then. Wednesday was a big day for me because I got to put on makeup *AND* get this ..... I even shaved my legs! I know, wow, right?

Other than that, I'm only getting out of bed to pee. It's a very boring existance. However I can't really complain because we have been so blessed all week with just an outpouring of offers for help. It is absolutely overwhelming. We've had tons of meals brought to us this week, and had a few friends drop by to have a "picnic" in my bed to help me pass the time. My parents came this week and painted Jamin's room for me - a huge undertaking! We've had others offer to come take Gracie for a playdate which has been super helpful. And ... best of all .... we've found Brandi.

Brandi is the new lady of the house. She comes each morning when James leaves for work, gets Gracie up and dressed, feeds her breakfast, and takes her to school or ballet, etc. She runs all my errands for me, brings all my meals and medications to my bed, and serves as a constant companion and play-toy for Gracie. I can't even begin to tell you what a relief it is to have her here. I will blog more about that next week.

So for now I'm trying to relax a little (nearly impossible task since my brain is still functioning) .... and I'm counting each day passed as a small victory. Today I am 27weeks 3days, thank you Jesus! I've got my eyes firmly fixed on week 28 .... that will be a huge milestone to pass and there will be much celebration next week when we get there.

A most heartfelt and profound THANK YOU to all of my sweet family and friends for the flood of generous assistance this week. I don't even have the words to adequately express our gratitude. We are overwhelmed by your kindness and love day after day and we are forever grateful.