THE FIRST WEEK HOME

So it turns out that caring for a brand new little life while simultaneously trying to recover from immese physical trauma will make it pretty much impossible to do any blogging.

My apologies.

Our first week home with Jamin was ...... well ....... a DOOZY to put it lightly. We were discharged from Northside on Easter Sunday in the afternoon and happily limped home to settle in. I had been having a lot of pain in the hospital, which I couldn't really understand because I don't remember being in much pain after Gracie was born. They were giving me 2 percocet plus 800mg of Motrin every 6hrs around the clock, which helped but never really took care of it. Since it was a holiday, the hosptial was a ghost town .... my doctor never came by for rounds on Sunday, and so as it turned out I was sent home with zero medication. I didn't sweat it though, just figured I could just take 4 over-the-counter Motrin and tough it out.

First thing Monday morning I made arrangements for Jamin to be seen by Dr. Kaufman, our fantastic pediatrician, because I could tell he had jaundice. We noticed it developing in the hospital, but the stupid on-call pediatrician there refused to test his billirubin levels for some reason. He is high risk in the first place simply due to his prematurity, and also the fact that we were exclusively breastfeeding. We could see him turning yellow, but they kept telling me he was fine.

Lukily Dr. Kaufman knows I am a vigilent Mommy, so when I called they told us to come right in. They confirmed that he was definately jaundiced and did a heel stick to test his billirubin. We also saw the Lactation Consultant while we were there to work out the last few kinks in our breastfeeding routine. At this point Jamin was nursing well and we were really starting to get the hang things. He and I make a really good team!

We had to run next door to Douglas Hospital to drop off the blood sample at the lab for the billirubin test. But to do this, we had to register Jamin as an "outpatient" of the hospital. Ahhhhhhh, yes ......... that means ridiculous waiting for some slow hospital employee to fill out 2 pieces of paperwork. While sitting in the waiting room I suddenly had this excrutiating pain in my upper-middle back. It was a sharp stabbing pain on my right flank. It came suddenly and the tears were immediate. James kept asking, "What happened? What did you DO?" and holding back sobs I could only manage to say "Nothing! I was just sitting here!" The pain was so intense and it hurt each time I took a breath. Mercifully, the slow lady finally called our name, processed our admission and got us out of there. I crawled home and took another 800mg dose of Motrin, which pretty much did nothing.

Tuesday morning I called Dr. Garcia's office about the pain and they instructed me to come in at 3:00. But first we had to go back to the pediatrician's office, as Jamin's jaundice was worsening. He was nearly glow-in-the-dark yellow at this point! They did another billirubin draw, which they found to be 14.1 (in the moderate range) and checked his weight. He was down to 5lbs 6oz. I left there and went straight to my own doctor's appointment, but had to see Mia the midwife since Dr. Garcia was in surgery. She walked right in and told me I had a bladder infection .... had the prescription for an antibiotic already filled out and in her hand. She didn't listen to a single word I said or give me more than 2 seconds to ask questions or voice my concerns. I explained that the pain I felt was high up in my upper-middle back on the right side, how could this be since your bladder is way down low in your abdomen? She brushed me off and mumbled something about me feeling much better by tomorrow on the antibiotic. I tried to explain that I was in immense pain and 800mg of Motrin was not helping ... to which she suggested I could also take some Tylenol.

As if that was going to help.

Annoyed, I grabbed my prescription and left. I figured I would just tough out the pain one more day, since she assured me that I would notice a huge improvement in 24 hours.

That night I woke at 2am to feed Jamin. I literally could not stand up out of bed, the pain was so horrible. All I could do was lay there and moan. I also began shaking uncontrollably with chills, which I've never had before. James panicked and called Dr. Garcia's emergency line, and the nurse there of course told him to take me to the ER. I refused to go. Why would I want to sit in the ER waiting room at Douglas Hospital for another 6hrs, to have some yahoo give me a pain pill and tell me to follow up with my doctor? NO. If I'm gonna sit in pain for 6hrs, I'd like to do it from the comfort of my own bed, and by 8am Dr. Garcia's office will open and I can actually receive some treatment. James thought I was nuts but knew that once my mind is made up it's a fruitless arguement on his end.

So as soon as the office opened Wednesday morning, I called and went in to see Dr. Garcia, who was thorough and attentive as always. He said his guess was something with my kidneys, since they are way up high in the flank area (right where my pain was), and since I was having pain while breathing. Apparently your diaphram is adjacent to the kidneys, so each time you take a breath your kidneys get "bumped" a bit and can result in intense pain. The midwife, of course, would have figured all this out if she had taken 5 seconds to LISTEN TO ME the day before. The other possibility, he said, could be pulmonary embolism, since the pain was sudden onset and followed a "thrombophilic event" (i.e. giving birth) by 2-3 days. With my blood clotting disorder, a PE is one of the most serious risks I face and the highest time of incidence is the post-partum period. He assured me that a kidney problem was way more likely than a PE, but given that a PE can be fatal ......... we want to be 100% sure of course.

So off I went, BACK to Northside Hospital. My new home away from home. I told the admissions lady that I wanted a frequent-customer punch card .... "stay 10 nights get the next night free" or something similar. Soon after getting a room and settling into bed the chills came again and a new wave of pain had me in a heap of tears. The doctor came in to get my history, at which point I cried, apologized for being a wimp, and then cried some more. Apparently he could tell I was in serious pain because his first order was for IV Dilaudid. That marked the first time I had been pain-free, which felt fantastic, but sadly only lasted for about an hour. This was followed by a CT scan of my lungs, which required contrast dye to check for PE .... then an ultrasound of the kidneys to check for kidney stones .... followed by more Dilaudid .... followed by more IV meds to keep me from puking because of the Dilaudid .... followed by an IV of antibiotics ... and finally ending with something in my IV which just knocked me out cold. Seven hundred hours later I was finally discharged and sent home with a diagnosis: super-duper infection of the kidneys, with a touch of pleurisy. And, oh yeah, I still had that bladder infection too, but compared to the rest it has gone pretty much unnoticed.

So .... Good news: Kidney infection + pleurisy = easy to treat. Bad news: More painful than childbirth.

And worse yet, as a result of my latest hospital adventure, we were forced to stop breastfeeding. I was at stuck there for 8-9 hours (during which time James was at home feeding Jamin a bottle), and then when I got home I was unabe to move for another 8-9 hours (more bottles). James did 100% of the baby care during this time. Once I was finally up and around again, I had to "pump and dump" for 24 hours, because the contrast dye I was given during the CT scan is excreted in breastmilk. By the time I had pumped for 24hrs and had reached the point to safely feed again ...... my milk was gone. Seriously, dried up, not a drop left .... GONE.

I proceeded to cry about it the remainder of Thursday and most of Friday.

I am still completely devastated about the whole thing. He and I were getting so good at it, he was happy, I was happy, and then ....... we lost our milk. SO. NOT. FAIR.

Friday we were back at the pediatrician, again ...... to check billirubin and weight a third time. Good news on both fronts: billirubin is down, and weight was up to 5lb 9oz.

James returned to work Monday so this week it's been just me and the kids! We are adjusting well. Jamin is a laid back, roll-with-the-punches kind of guy. Thank you LORD! He is so precious and sweet and insanely tiny and omigosh he smells so good. Gracie has totally embraced the "Big Sister" role and adores her brother. I am sleep deprived, and physically functioning at about 40-50%, but otherwise fine. Emotionally I feel good, much less hormonal and wacky than I felt after Gracie was born. I did have one weepy moment two nights ago .... at 2am rocking Jamin is his blue chair. I was professing my unending love for him (!! don't all new Mommies do this ??), when I was suddenly overcome with sadness wishing I'd had the same opportunity to say those things to Isaac before he died. I only cried for a few minutes, then pulled myself together and moved along. I think one weepy moment is allowed considering all we've been through.

We are hoping that weeks 2 and 3 are much more relaxing and less drama-filled! Thank you all for your continued prayers and sweet thoughts. I will try to update more regularly as my (lack of) schedule allows!

A day of MIRACLES

Well, friends .... I have given birth to angel. I am so in love with him that it hurts. Here are the labor/delivery details, I will try to keep it brief (which clearly you know by now, is tough for me).

Pitocin and saline started about 7:30 am. The contractions instantly became quick and pretty painful. My awesome nurses had already called down to pharmacy and had a special epidural concoction (without fentanyl) waiting here for me so there was no delay. I had a long and detailed pow-wow with the anesthesiologist to discuss all the risks with the heparin and the fentanyl allergy. We had the epidural placed around 8:00ish. I had forgotten how scary that is, whewwwwwwww. Especially after the guy has just explained my risk for a spinal hematoma and paralysis.

About 5 minutes after the epidural, my blood pressure went down to 80/39. The anesthesiologist began running frantically and within seconds produced an injection of norepinephrine . That brought it back up a bit, but it never got higher than 90's/40's.

By 8:15 I couldn't feel my legs. Actually couldn't feel much of anything at all. At one point I even asked the nurse, "Am I still having contractions?". She replied, "ummmmmmmm, YES, they are huge and coming every 2 minutes!".

THANK YOU JESUS FOR THE EPIDURAL!!!!

At 8:30 the midwife, Joy, came and broke my water. I was so numb I didn't even blink. She reported at that time that my cervix was 4-5 cm dilated and 100% effaced.

Shortly thereafter, my beloved Dr. Garcia stopped in with a very uncharacteristically serious demeanor. He explained that he had a family emergency, his son was being transported to the hospital, and he was uncertain if he would be able to deliver me because he would be leaving at some point.

At first I kind of panicked, but then I reminded myself that God had already answered every prayer and that He had orchestrated every detail so I was trusting that it would work out regardless. We continued to hope that Dr. Garcia would be available, but made a back-up plan for the midwife Joy to deliver if necessary.

Between 9:00 and 10:30 I rested comfortably. Laura arrived with Gracie, Jessica with Adam, and my parents were both here. I was completely calm and relaxed with zero pain. Honestly if there hadn't been anyone else in the room I would've just fallen asleep. My mom stood by my bed and rubbed my legs, and I just layed with my eyes closed. I felt just an overwhelming sense of peace and calm. I did not worry, I did not obsess over details or what-if's, I didn't give any thought to all the things that could go wrong. THIS IS TOTALLY UNLIKE ME!!! So clearly the hand of God was at work! I swear I could feel His presence so close in that room and somehow all the scary things just melted away.

Around 10:45 the midwife came in and asked if I was feeling pressure like I wanted to push. I reported that I had not felt any pressure at all. She explained that she was watching my monitors out in the hall and it looked to her like it might be time for me to push. As she was talking to me about it, another contraction came and I did feel some pressure. So she checked my cervix and said, "the baby's head is HERE, it is definitely time to push, DON'T MOVE!"

I was shocked! I hardly felt anything at all, no pain, just a tiny bit of pressure.

My room was soon filled with nurses setting up equipment and making preparations. Joy paged Dr. Garcia and got his voicemail. She didn't even know at that point if he was still at the hospital or not. She stood with me and held my hand while we waited for a call back. I was praying that he would respond, but at the same time was not afraid of what would happen if he did not. Joy waited by my bedside with the phone in her hand for 8 or 10 minutes. Every two minutes or so she would lift my blanket to peek, and would say, "okay, I don't see the head coming out yet so we are okay to wait another minute or two". She told me I had to stay on my side and hold still because if I turned to my back then Jamin was going to come out. Totally crazy!

Dr. Garcia did call back, praise God, and a few moments later he came in the room, slipped on a pair of gloves, and began giving me instructions on pushing.

I started pushing at 11:05. I pushed through three contractions. Again, almost no pain. After the third contraction Dr. Garcia reported I was about to tear and asked my permission to do an episiotomy. As soon as he did the episiotomy, he asked me to give one small push. I did and at 11:15 Jamin fell right out! He was crying before his trunk and legs were even delivered! We knew in an instant that his lungs were just fine, THANK YOU JESUS!!!

I immediately told James that the labor and delivery were seriously the EASIEST part of the whole pregnancy! And it's true. All the months of injections, IV's, blood draws, medication side effects, blood pressure issues, and sleepless nights ....... truly a million times more difficult than actually giving birth.

As you can well imagine, we are just overwhelmed with gratitude for what the Lord has done. I can honestly say I have witnessed Him perform an absolute miracle with my own eyes. He carried us through an onslaught of nightmarish obstacles, and ended the journey by answering every single one of our prayers. Tonight I look back on my posts from earlier this week, I look at all those prayer requests, and I smile. God must've just used that like a check-list or something. He met every need, even those that seemed almost impossible. And then He poured his presence over us so heavily today, at every single stage of the labor and delivery, His hand was there and every single thing just fell into place beautifully. We could never have imagined a more perfect experience.

Tonight the three of us are resting and just staring at eachother in disbelief! Jamin is being a little lazy with the breastfeeding, he just wants to sleep and sleep and sleep. We have hardly heard a peep out of him since he got here!

Please pray for James and I to get some rest tonight. And please join us in giving praise and glory to the Miracle-Maker!!!!

update per James "the trilogy"

"kid Awesome" is here! 5lbs 13oz and 18.5 in. he's handsome and agile! Kristi is doing great and Gracie is PUMPED! WREN out..

update per james volume 2

time to push, pray for me to be tough and I guess Kristi too!

update per James

probably wont be quite as detailed but here goes. they came in and broke Kristi's water about 30 min ago and now she is resting. Dr. Garcia may not be able to be here due to a family emergancy so if that is the case we will go with planB. the midwife. Kristi asked for you guys to be praying for Dr Garcia and his family as well. Wren OUT!

Getting Started

FRIDAY MORNING 7:40AM

Got up around 6:00, never could go back to sleep. Got a quick shower, which felt great. They've just started my IV, with pitocin and saline. I have to get another bag of saline in me before we can do the epidural - so that should be another 30 minutes or so.

The midwife is coming up in about an hour to break my water. Should go fast after that.

SO SLEEPY

IT'S 4:00 am. I AM UNFORTUNATELY AWAKE.

Contractions are very very painful. Having lots of pressure and pain in my cervix. I'm not hooked up to anything -- no monitors, no meds. They seriously haven't laid a finger on me other than the two little blood draws they did when I first arrived last night.

This pain is making me think I'm continuing to dilate. I don't know if I'm in "active labor" or not. But I do know my body well enough to declare that Jamin will be here today, whether they give me pitocin or not! He is coming on his own accord. So much for "induction"! Boy God's timing just amazes me sometimes.

I slept a bit from about 1:00 until 3:15 am. But been up since then. The contraction/cervical pain is keeping me awake, as well as really bad pain in my back. I'm also having trouble getting comfortable in bed due to the soreness in my belly at the spot where the amniocentesis needle was inserted yesterday morning. It is very sore to any movement or touch.

My bloodwork showed platlets at 173 and PTT was 26, both within nomal range. Praise God! So we are safe to go forth with the epidural. They are calling downstairs to pharmacy to make special arrangements for an epidural mix without fentanyl.

James fell into a coma-like sleep about 2.4 minutes after he laid down last night -- actually before the nurse even left my room and all the lights were still on! He has slept like a log all night and doesn't seem disturbed by the fact I'm up going to the bathroom every thirty minutes!

Pitocin and epidural should get started around 7am. I've got less than 3 hrs to get some rest. Please pray for epidural free from allergy problems, normal blood pressure, labor/delivery with no complications, Jamin healthy and strong.

Stay tuned .............

Jamin is halway here already, LOL!

THURSDAY NIGHT UPDATE, PART THREE:

10:30pm: Really quick ... Mia just came in and checked my cervix. I am already 4cm dilated and 90% effaced! Jamin's head is at +1 station, holy cow! She said they will start pitocin and epidural around 7am, then break my water. She said Jamin will most likely be here before lunch, in her opinion way before lunch in fact.

I am not hooked up to any machines or IV's for the night. So we can actually SLEEP! My nurse just came in and did a blood draw so they can run a PTT test. This will check my Factor X (clotting factors) to make sure it's safe to have the epidural tomorrow. Should have those results within the hour.

WE ARE GOING TO BED .......... GOODNIGHT!!!

T minus 9 hours

THURSDAY NIGHT UPDATE, PART TWO:

A quick update .... we're here at Northside. The admissions process was farily quick and painless, praise the Lord! I am in room C2 on the ground floor. My nurse is Rachael, she is super sweet.

We just finished the 60minute process of paperwork. I am hooked up to the monitors waiting on the midwife, Mia, to come by to confirm Dr. Garcia's orders for the night. I think we've got the Cervadil confusion ironed out, so I'm relieved about that.

I'm soooooooooooo extrememly tired, I'm really wanting to unpack my bag and get ready for bed so I can go ahead and get some sleep. Problem is I'm not allowed off the monitor until Mia gets here, so I'm stuck waiting for a bit. I'm so desperate for some shut-eye!

I'm anticipating that Mia will order IV fluids through the night like Dr. Garcia had planned, and then we'll begin pitocin first thing in the morning when he arrives. Should be early, like 7:30ish.

James is THRILLED with our room, because it has an actual "bed" for him rather than the fold-out chair thingy that requires the bottom 3 feet of his body to hang off the end! He says he feels like a frat boy in a dorm room. :) Then he noted that the only thing cooler than this arrangement would be if we had bunk beds.

Please continue to pray for us: good sleep tonight, no labor until the morning, labor/delivery free of complications and a healthy strong baby.

We will update in the morning...........

GREEN LIGHT!

THURSDAY NIGHT UPDATE

So ............. not much time, it will be short:

Got the call from Northside Hospital about 6pm. Amnio results are in and showed mature lungs! Praise the Lord, all our prayers are being answered one by one!

Laura just came and picked up Gracie. James and I sat down and ate Monterrey's take-out for dinner ... I pigged out majorly since I know that once I arrive at the hospital they will not allow me to eat until after delivery.

James is loading up our bags right now and we will be on the road to Northside in about 10 minutes.

Please pray for smooth admissions process. There was some confusion on the phone with the nurse who called me, she said I was scheduled for a "Cervadil induction". Cervadil is a medication that is commonly given the day before induction, it is inserted vaginally and softens the cervix in preparation for the next day. However, Dr. Garcia specifically told me last week that he does NOT want me to have Cervadil tonight, because I am so "ripe" that it will likely put me in to labor and I would end up delivering before he arrives at the hospital tomorrow morning. I explained this to the nurse over the phone .... she said we would worry about it once I got there.

So please pray that this issue is corrected easily with minimal stress. Also pray for no delivery overnight! Jamin can't arrive until AFTER 7am tomorrow morning!!! Please pray for James and I to get restful sleep tonight, and for Gracie to continue to feel better tomorrow. And of course, the biggie: pray for a supernatural labor and delivery with no complications, and Jamin strong and healthy!!

Will update again once we are settled into the hospital and have a room number, etc.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PRAYING!!!!!!!!!

Countdown: T minus 18 hours

THURSDAY MORNING UPDATE:

I can't start without first thanking each of you from the bottom of my heart, for your continued prayers and encuraging words. God is doing miracles already today and there is no doubt in my mind that He is hearing each of those prayers. Please keep 'em coming!!!!

I got about 6 hours of sleep last night. That was miracle #1!! Gracie slept like a total log all night long ........... miracle #2. Mom drove me to Northside this morning while Laura stayed at the house with Gracie. We ran into some traffic but made it there in about an hour: miracle #3!

I had my 18th (and hopefully final) ultrasound, and Jamin looks fantastic: miracle #4. They estimate he weighs about 5 lbs 14oz. Then Dr. Mann came in to do the amnio, at which point I was so terrified I was trying not to shake. It went well and we survived: MIRACLE #5!!!! It hurt pretty badly, but only lasted for like 30 seconds. I kept my eyes closed, focused on holding very still, and just prayed through the whole thing. So I didn't see anything scary, but my mom reported it was not a pleasant site to observe. I was then hooked up to the NST monitor for about 20 minutes after the amnio, just to make sure the baby was doing okay after the procedure, and all looked well.

On the way home I called Laura to check on Gracie. She reported that Gracie woke up in a fantastic mood and seemed to be feeling really good, she ate a banana and some water for breakfast: MIRACLE #6!!! What a giagantic relief!

I then got a call from James telling me that WWIII was avoided and our family drama appears to have reached some peaceful resolution: MIRACLE #7!!!!

So much has turned around in the last 12 hours .... oh the Lord is at work!!

I've been resting and trying to stay off my feet as much as possible since I returned home. Laura went back to work and mom has gone home, so it's just me and Gracie for now. She is perky and energetic like her "normal" self, and has had a piece of bread and more water and a lollypop in the last hour.

Please continue to pray for us. We are expecting to get a call with amnio results sometime between maybe 4:30ish and 6:30ish tonight. At that point we will get Gracie handed over to her Grammie, and James and I will head back to the hospital for admission.

Please pray for: mature lungs, minimal confusion receiving amnio results and coordinating admission, and decent sleep for James and I tonight. Also please pray for traveling mercies for my sister, who will likely end up on a red-eye flight tonight from Colorado back to GA.

God is in control of all of these details and so much more! We are so incredibly grateful for your prayers!

I will update more tonight as things change ...........

Don't worry ... my hissy fit has passed!

First of all, a tremendously gigantic thank you for all of your prayers. God is hearing! I am feeling much better tonight and I think I'm done with my panic. So sorry you all had to witness that, gag!

Gracie continued throwing up until about 2:00 today. Since then she has held down a popcicle, 1.5 pieces of bread, a small cup of applesauce, and about 8 ounces of water. Thank you Lord! Still no fever. Please continue to pray fervently, that she rests well tonight and has no further vomiting or fever at all tomorrow!

This evening after James finally got home I snuck out to have a pedicure. There's a little nail place about 500 yards from my neighborhood, and I was super desperate for a quiet moment away from the stress at home. Boy it did me a world of good! Having someone rub my feet for an hour made me feel like a million bucks! PLUS ....... the added bonus is that my toes are beautiful and I won't have to be embarrassed at the hospital. Well, okay, let's be realistic: LESS EMBARRASSED at the hospital, given the fact that I'll be naked from the waist down and chances are no one will be looking at my toes anyways. But I digress .........

By the time I left the nail place it was already dark. Driving home, I looked up and noticed that the moon was full and round. And it hit me like a ton of bricks: it will be a full moon this weekend when Jamin is born. This probably doesn't seem significant to you, but let me explain.

Isaac was born on a full moon, back on September 2, 2006.

Ever since that time, I see a full moon and immediately think of Isaac. I can't tell you how many nights I have spent over the last 2 1/2 years, staring at a full moon missing my little boy. For a long time the sight of it made me incredibly sad. But as time has passed, seeing a full moon now brings a smile instead of sadness. For me it feels like a connection to Isaac.

So tonight, driving home, after a marathon-stressful day ....... to glance up and see that moon was quite a moment. And knowing that Jamin will be born on Friday, when the moon is still full, that just seems so perfect to me. I feel like Isaac was sending me a little message ..... "I'm here, Mommy. I'm fine. And you guys will be fine too!"

I continued driving, my mind trailing off .... just feeling grateful for that moon and that moment. Suddenly I began hearing some words repeated over and over on the radio, which was playing quietly in the background. I turned up the volume. It was a song I'd never heard before. Repeatedly, this guy was singing:

"God will lift up your head"

"Your story soon will end in joy, end in joy, end in joy"

I have no clue who sings this, as I haven't been driving lately and therefore haven't been listening to the radio much at all. But those words stung my heart and instantly I felt an overwhelming peace hanging heavily over me. Yes, I cried a little bit. I *am* a wimp, afterall. But if you've ever been in a situation where you have clearly sensed a very close presence of the Lord, you'll understand why there were tears.

He always knows just what I need, and when. Tonight I just needed a little reminder that He is here, He is in charge, and He's got all this covered.

Who among the gods is like you, O LORD ?
Who is like you—
majestic in holiness,
awesome in glory,
working wonders?

(Exodus 15:11)

Limping to the Finish Line

Or really, it would be more accurate to say:

DESPERATELY CLAWING OUR WAY TO THE FINISH LINE.

We now have just two days left until Jamin's arrival, and let me tell you, we are being pummeled from every angle. Please forgive me if this post comes across as super whiny. I'm trying not to whine, truly I am. But I am so overwhelmed, seriously I just need to vent for a moment.

My contractions are growing ever more frequent and painful with each passing hour, every time I think they can't possibly get any worse .... they do. I am contracting about every 6-10 minutes, even though I'm now on the maximum dosage of terbutaline. I also have significant pain way low in my cervix, which does not go away despite hours of laying in bed. I'm guessing that I have to be continuing to dilate. If Jamin is not halfway outta me by the time I arrive at the hospital Thursday night I will be shocked.

Being on the max dosage of terbutaline has me geeked outta my mind. Man, that stuff is nasty. I was on it for nearly 5 weeks with Gracie, and now 12 weeks on/off with Jamin ...... but seriously I am still shocked sometimes at how awful it can make you feel. I am constantly trembling, heart racing, and sometimes have difficulty catching my breath. It's also doing a number on my already problematic blood pressure. Needless to say, sleep is pretty much out the window at this point.

I am still checking Gracie's little head twice a day for nasty bugs. So far we seem to be in the clear, THANK YOU LORD. But Doctor Kaufman says we're not quite out of the woods until Friday. So I'm optimistic, but afraid to declare victory too soon on that one.

My babysitter, Brandi, has landed herself in the hospital now .... complications with her blood pressure and potassium levels. Please pray for her and baby Savannah! Her absence is sorely missed, as I haven't had any help here at the house all week and I am pretty much totally unable to do anything by myself right now.

"THE" family issue that I've been praying about is not resolved, in fact it's only grown a million times worse. I was up at 4:00am this morning having a panic attack over this whole mess. I am trying not to break under the stress, but I'm close.

And last but not least .......... the coup de grâce ............ Gracie woke up at 7am this morning vomiting. James took her to the doctor, where it was determined that she has an unidentified stomach virus. We have no idea at this point how long she will be sick or when she will be passed the contagious point. She has not developed a fever yet, which is the yardstick by which the doctors generally determine the contagious period. We were instructed that if she has no fever and no vomiting by tomorrow, she is fine to come to the hospital to meet her brother on Friday.
But if she has any fever or any vomiting tomorrow, then she has to stay away. I haven't even had the heart to tell her yet .......... she will be DEVASTATED. As I am. All we can do at this point is wait and see.

In the meantime, James and I are washing our hands so feverishly that the skin is ready to fall off. We are praying that she recovers quickly, and that neither of us contract it. We are feeding her small sips of pedialyte, which seems to be our only option as she was throwing up water earlier today. If/when she keeps down the pedialyte for 8 solid hours, then we can try some bread or applesauce.

I am desperately begging for your prayers!!! We are so overwhelmed and my brain can hardly function at this point. I truly want to just break down and cry for a bit, but I don't even have the energy to do that.

Please pray for:
1. Gracie: no fever, hold down foods, recovery by tomorrow, no head lice.
2. James and I: no stomach virus, a few hours of sleep, maintain sanity.
3. Jamin: mature lungs by tomorrow!
4. Pregnancy complications: amnio tomorrow morning with no problems, normal blood pressure, contractions and cervical pain under control, NO SPONTANEOUS LABOR.
5. Gigantic family thing: resolution before WWIII breaks out.

Okay, that's all my brain can handle for now.

Preserving the Journey

Well let me just start by saying that I am one lucky girl. I have been so fortunate to have TWO very talented photographers capture a few of my pregnancy moments. The resulting images tug at my heart strings and thrill my mind to know that a little piece of our journey will be preserved forever.

Andrea Vantrees is a photographer from Douglasville. She came to our home and photographed the whole family. She was so much fun! Here is a peek at the results:

Right now Andrea is working through the painstaking process of digitally removing the ugly tummy bruises from each picture. By the time she is done, no one should ever know about my love-hate relationship with Mr. Heparin.

Check out Andrea's website to see more: http://www.andivanphotography.com/index.php?splash=1

Makin' plans

Today was a super busy day. It began at 9am when I got a phone call from Gracie's beloved preschool teacher, Mrs. Meyer, who apologetically informed me that Gracie has been exposed to head lice by one of her classmates. Isn't that fabulous timing? I seriously had to hold back the tears on the phone, I simply can not add anything else to my plate right now. I am completely overwhelmed as it is, both emotionally and physically, ughhhhhhhhhhhhh.

So I've been nervously checking her sweet little head every chance I get, and so far I don't see anything. I am PRAYING that nothing materializes, I will just lose my mind if I am having to fumagate my entire house and scramble to rid my baby of nasty bugs next week on top of preparing for Jamin's arrival. I am seriously way over my stress limit as it is.

My blood pressure problems have been worsening this week. This is something that we've been fighting for the last 6 weeks or so - my pressure basically drops super low periodically throughout the day. I will have these episodes where I feel totally fine one moment, then tingly and faint the next minute. They have been giving me IV fluids at the hematologist to try and help boost my pressure, but that only helps for a day or two at best. Wednesday I had Brandi take me to the fire station since it's right around the corner from my house .... my pressure was 86/40. The paramedic explained (and my doctor's have confirmed), that basically this is a result of me being a thin person, and my body is just overwhelmed with the pregnancy and all the medications I'm on.

My contractions have been increasing to insane frequency this week as well. I'm regularly having 6-7 contractions per hour ... earlier this week I topped out at a record 9 in one hour. I am feeling very heavy and painful pressure down "THERE"; I swear when I get up to pee I'm thinking, "Jamin please don't fall out!". It's crazy. I can definately attest to the fact that my body is about to give up on this whole pregnancy thing.

My mom arrived at noon today to drive me to my TWO back-to-back doctor's appointments. I saw Dr. Mann first, and had ultrasound #17. Jamin looks great, he weighs approximately 5lb 11oz! (This should put him in the neighborhood of about 6lb 3oz at birth.) I then saw Dr. Garcia, who felt my cervix and reported I'm about 2cm dilated and still 80% effaced. He looked me square in the face today and said, "I absolutely can not believe you are still pregnant!". I told him ... me neither, but my God is in the miracle business!

We are all set up for next week's induction. Here's the plan at this point:
Thursday 4/9 I will have the amnio at 9:30am, performed by Dr. Mann at Northside Hospital. She must have the sample off to the lab by 10am in order to receive the results back same-day. We are expecting results around dinnertime Thursday evening. This will be after office hours, so it will be the on-call physician who will call my house with the results. If we get the green light, then we will grab our bags and head to Northside Hospital to be admitted (late) Thursday night. They want to have me in a room and prepped the night before the induction.

Because I've been having issues with my blood pressure, Dr. Garcia wants to "drown me with fluids" he said .... his goal is to get about 3bags of IV fluids in me between Thursday night and Friday morning. He will arrive Friday morning 4/10 around 7:30am to begin the induction. He will start a pitocin drip and break my water and hopefully it will be quick!

I will have to come off my aspirin this weekend, and off my heparin by Wednesday, so that it's all out of my system 24hrs before the amnio. By induction time it will have been 48hrs since my last heparin dose. This is pushing it a little to have no anti-coagulants for this length of time, but my docs are confident we'll be okay. At least with plenty of time for these meds to wash out of my system, it means it should be safe to get an epidural, which is a gigantic relief for me!

We WILL have to take special precautions with the epidural, since I'm allergic to fentanyl (one of the narcotics commonly included inside the epi). Dr. Garcia says the anesthesiologist should be able to exclude just the fentanyl and leave the rest, and I should still get adequate pain control. The epidural also lowers your blood pressure, so they will be watching me closely for that. The 3 bags of fluids should help combat this problem.

SOOOOOOOO .... hopefully we will have a healthy baby here by Friday afternoon! I will plan to take the laptop with us to the hospital, and I'll have James try to post an 'announcement' on the blog for everyone.

We will re-start the heparin approx. 12 hours after delivery. That will continue twice a day for 6 weeks post-partum. It is safe to take while breastfeeding.

Please be much in prayer for us as we limp through these last few days! Here are the specifics that are worrying me:
1. No head lice for Gracie .... PLEASE JESUS!!!
2. No spontaneous labor, Jamin needs to hold on until Friday 4/10!!
3. Safe amnio on Thursday, minimal pain with NO COMPLICATIONS
4. Fast amnio results showing MATURE LUNGS
5. Minimal confusion receiving amnio results and coordinating hospital admission
6. Decent sleep Thursday night for both myself and James.
7. Maintain safe blood pressure levels
8. Labor free from complications and Jamin HEALTHY AND STRONG at delivery
9. Resolution of a family thing, which I can't discuss, but the Lord knows what it is .... please just pray for "THE issue" to be resolved with minimal stress and hurt feelings.

I am so so grateful for your love and prayers, for your phone calls, for your sweet offers of help, for the food you've sent, or your words of encouragement .......... THANK YOU!!! The Lord has truly just carried us through this whole journey, and one way He has done that is through the generosity of our friends and family. To Him be all the honor and glory forever and ever, amen!!!

She's CRAFTY ..... and she's just my type

So I'm not sure if I've mentioned it yet ..... but I've spent a lot of time in bed lately.

As I lay here day after day I often find myself falling into the tried-and-true Kristi habit of worrying endlessly and obsessing over scary pregnancy things. So to keep my brain occupied, lately I've been working on little projects when I feel well enough to get out of bed. Don't worry ... I don't go far! Just to the little card-table in the corner of my bedroom where I've set up my sewing machine.

My first project were the curtains I made for Jamin's nursery:

Once I started sewing again, the crafty bug really took over and I decided to try some new things. I made this blue chenille liner for Jamin's laundry basket. It matches his room perfectly!

Then I switched my focus from room decor over to clothes. I started making fun appliqued onesies, which was a totally new thing for me. I'm so impressed with how cute they turned out, and I can't wait to see my little guy wearing them!

I even made some girl onesies for my babysitter, Brandi, who is expecting a daughter, Savannah, just 9 days after my own due date. It was fun to finally work with some pink fabric!

The next thing I really want to learn is to sew baby pants. I wish I had time to try it out before Jamin gets here, but at this point I'm struggling to wrap up all my projects in preparation for next week's induction .... so tackling NEW things at this point seems unwise. Oh well. I will teach myself to do it one day! :)

There's a light at the end of this tunnel ...

Lots of big news to report:

I endured my VERY LAST injection of 17-hydroxy-progesterone Friday morning. I will really miss seeing my sweet home nurse, Sharon, each week .... she always gives me a comforting word of advice and straight answers to my questions and concerns. However I will most definitely NOT miss the 40-foot needle, the bruises, and certainly not the limping that takes place for days afterwards.

ALSO ..... I'm excited to say that Jamin will almost definitely be arriving within the next two weeks ... we have an induction date!!! Dr. Garcia wants to induce tentatively on Friday April 10 (which is Good Friday -- how cool is that?) I will be 36w2d at that point. Due to the medications I'm taking, particularly the heparin, he feels the safest route is to get Jamin OUT as soon as his lungs are mature and ready.

The plan at this point is to do an amniocentesis in the morning of Thursday April 9th. This test carries risks, along with the largest needle known to man .... both of which scare the crap outta me. But it also will tell us the level of Jamin's lung maturity. We should have the results back by Thursday afternoon. If all looks well with his lungs, we will go forth with the induction on Friday morning April 10. Dr. Garcia says I'm "ripe and ready to go" (his words), so he anticipates that the induction will only require a small dose of pitocin to get the ball rolling, at which point I should labor and deliver quickly.

I am so eager to meet Jamin, and to end what feels like the world's longest pregnancy rollercoaster ride!

In the meantime, I'm slowly scratching things off my "must do before the baby arrives" list, and praying that Jamin actually WAITS until April 10th. My contractions have really been borderline out-of-control for the last 3+ days ... upwards of 6-8 per hour ... so I am practically holding my breath.

I'm in great need of your continued prayers! Please pray specifically for (1) a safe amnio procedure (2) mature lungs by April 9th; (3) no spontaneous labor prior to April 10th; and (4) comfort for our fears.

More updates soon!!!

Divine Design

I am happy to finally report that the Room of Heartbreak no longer exists. It has been transformed into the sweet baby blue nursery that it was supposed to be in 2006.

The sadness and disappointment that used to flood me every time I looked in that room is now replaced with nervous excitement. And the best part: we keep the door OPEN.

Here are a few before-and-after pics so you can get a feel for the transformation. I wish I had taken some pictures of the room before I cleaned it out .... back when there were boxes stacked 4 feet high and 8 feet deep .... so you could fully grasp how far we've come. Oh well .... I probably would be embarrased to share them if I did have photographic evidence of how horrific it was!

View from the doorway:

Dresser/Changing Table:

Snuggle Corner:

A few of my favorite details:

The other night I sat in this blue chair for about an hour after everyone was asleep and our house was quiet. I felt eager to meet Jamin and I thought about how many long hours I have ahead of me, God willing, feeding and rocking him in that chair. But even in that moment of excitement and expectancy, my mind trailed off to missing Isaac. I couldn't help but think how drastically different life would be if he had lived. It's a surreal battle of emotions, knowing that I would do anything to have him here, and yet knowing with equal certainty that if he were here Jamin would probably not exist. It's hard to explain.

I do feel a big weight lifted now that the room is finally finished. Well ......... 99% finished. I waited so long to get started on it, so it turned out to be a huge project crammed into a small amount of time. Many thanks to my husband for the hours of sanding and painting, my sister for helping to hang the curtains and pictures, and my parents of painting the "blue primer" and for their good sense of humor.

33 Fun-Facts

Growing up, my family would always kid that I was the queen of "fun-facts", a.k.a ........ useless bits of information that most people don't really care much about. Today I've decided it would be fun to share 33 little facts about my pregnancy, to celebrate 33 weeks of pregnancy. Many thanks to my dear friend Katie for sharing this idea. So sit back, pay close attention, and get your #2 pencils ready. There will be a pop quiz sometime next week.


1. I am now 33 weeks pregnant. To date, I have had 16 ultrasounds, 47 doctors appointments, 19 cervical exams, and approximately 304 needle sticks. The needle number breaks down to 140 lovenox shots, 17 progesterone injections, 112 heparin shots, 27 blood draws, 1 diabetes screening, 2 steriod injections at the hospital, and 5 IV's.

2. In an average week, I'm currently having about 672 contractions, swallowing 63 pills, choking down about 70 peppermint Tums, and spending 21+ hours attached to my toco monitor.

3. I tried to count the number of times I've complained ..... but let's just be realistic .... totally impossible to estimate.

4. Maternity clothes and I don't really get along. After three pregnancies, I can honestly say that I have never owned a single pair of maternity pants that fit me. This time around, I decided not to waste my money, and instead focused on buying "normal" clothes one size bigger than I would normally wear. This method has worked beautifully, up until about 2-3 weeks ago. It now requires a small miracle to button my jeans, and the change to warmer weather has left me with no short-sleeved shirts to wear. I refuse to buy anything else, though, since I only get to leave the house for doctor appointments and I keep thinking the baby will come any day now.

5. I am secretly terrified that I'm going to stab Jamin in the head with my heparin needle. The logical part of me knows this is pretty much impossible to do with a normal-sized syringe, but the mom part of me worries nonetheless. Since I inject in my stomach, right near the belly button, I practically hold my breath every 12 hours and try to think happy thoughts. This has gotten especially difficult lately, since Jamin moves and rolls and kicks non-stop, so injecting is like trying not to hit a moving target. I can literally feel him rolling under my fingers when I put the needle in. Add in a dose of terbutaline, which results in uncontrollably shaky hands, and you can understand my paranoia.

6. I recently found out that heparin is made from the intestinal mucous of a pig. Yes you read that correctly. Apparently the same is true for lovenox. I learned this lovely little tidbit after asking Dr. Garcia why the pamphlets from the pharmacy have warnings about allergies to pork and pork products. Since Dr. Garcia is constantly kidding around and exaggerating for the sake of a good laugh, I honestly thought his explanation was a joke until I got home and looked at my heparin vials. Sure enough, right there on the packaging, it says: "Porcine Intestinal Mucosa". So now when I inject my heparin, I must control my fear of stabbing the baby, steady my trembling terbualine hands, beg Jamin to hold still, AND I must also control my gag reflex while fighting off visions of pig intestines. It's gotten to be quite a task!

7. I have a medic-alert bracelet, which I ordered the very first week of my pregnancy. I wear it every single time I leave the house because I have this fear that I will collapse while alone in public and no one will know what the heck to do with me. My bracelet contains my name, a description of my most important injections, a list of my drug allergies, and emergency contact numbers for James and Dr. Garcia. I honestly won't venture past the mailbox without that thing on my arm.

8. If I have a choice between drinking a glass of water, or a coke, I almost always go for the coke. Yes I often feel guilty for it. But I'm almost positive it doesn't make me a bad mother.

9. I am convinced that I have taken more medication during this pregnancy than I have in the previous 29 years of my life combined. I have no way of proving that, but nonetheless I'm quite positive it's true. And it bothers me immensely.

10. I'm equally convinced that I know more details about pregnancy complications than most medical professionals. I can easily quote statistical studies of cervical measurements and their corresponding rates of preterm delivery, the failure rates of 17P, or the percentage of fetal fibronectin inaccuracies.

11. I haven't been able to touch my toes since around Christmas-time. I normally keep a strict foot-regimen and maintain my own professional-looking pedi, but my lack of flexibility has resulted in an embarrassingly unkempt appearance. Every week when I see Dr. Garcia and put my feet up in those dreaded stirrups, I feel the overwhelming need to apologize. He usually rolls his eyes, and tells me that he's seen lots of gross things in all his years of medical practice and unpainted toenails don't even crack his top 100. I believe him, yet feel embarrassed anyways.

12. I *can* still shave my legs, though doing so requires a serious feat of olympic-worthy gymnastics. By the time I'm done I'm so exhausted that I literally have to sit down in the shower to catch my breath, at which point I half expect to see Bela Karolyi burst in shouting, "Zat vaz faantasteek my leetle friend!" while waiving a gold medal and a bouquet of wild flowers in the air. But so far, no Bela ... no gold medal ... and no acknowledgement of my super-human one-footed back-bending abilities. It's kind of disappointing to be honest.

13. I can personally attest to the fact that it really IS possible to get heartburn from ingesting only a sip of water. It makes no difference what I eat, or when I eat, or how much I eat. Even when I DON'T eat ..... the result is constant unbearable heartburn. In the morning I wake up, on an empty stomach, with heartburn. If I'm in a sitting position, but bend over slightly (to write, or type, or sew) I can literally feel acid coming up my throat. I have tried Zantac, Tagament, Protonix, and endless bottles of Tums. There is no cure.

14. Despite spending countless hours confined to my bed ..... I hardly EVER turn on the the tv. I spend most of my time playing games with Gracie, or surfing with the computer in my lap, or on the phone, or making lists, or working on sewing projects. Honestly the only time my tv gets turned on is when Gracie wants to watch Noggin, or when James gets home from work.

15. I remain amazed/horrified/entranced/scared to death by the endless ways pregnancy alters my body. So far I have gained 15 lbs, but my waist has grown NINE INCHES! Yes I measure it. No I'm not obsessed. I just like to record every detail, it's so neat to look back on later. I can tell you, for instance, that while I currently weigh less than I did when 33 wks pregnant with Gracie, my tummy is much larger in size now than it was back then.

16. A few weeks ago I noticed that I'm developing melasma on my upper cheeks. This is the nicely-named "mask of pregnancy" .... basically extra pigment, though it should be only temporary, praise Jesus. I never had this with either of the other two pregnancies, but it's quite ugly. One more ego-buster on top of all the other ego-busters pregnant mommies must endure ....

17. Hormones will apparently cause extra hair to grow in strange places. 'Nuff said on that subject.

18. I am baffled and completely intimidated at the prospect of shopping for a nursing bra.

19. I often worry about the physical difficulties I may face after Jamin is born .... just getting my body to function normally again. Right now I can only walk short distances without pain shooting thru my weakened leg muscles, and a trip up the stairs causes serious fatigue and breathlessness. Most days I feel like a 30-year-old woman in a 90-year-old body.

20. I've decided whoever started the rumor that "pregnancy is beautiful" has clearly never been pregnant before. See #4, #11, #12, #15, #16, and #17.

21. The later stages of pregnancy have given me crazy dreams. Not the "oh-la-la" kind of crazy dreams, but the "I-need-a-psychiatric-evaluation" kind of crazy dreams.

22. I have learned that people really do stare when you go to a public place in a wheelchair. Traveling this way has been a very eye-opening experience.


23. I am completely terrified of getting stretch marks. So twice a day, for the duration of my pregnancy, I have slathered $79-a-bottle prevention cream all over my abdomen. I have no idea if it will actually make a difference, but my fear of stretch marks is worse than my fear of wasting money.

24. Sometimes in conversation when I'm talking about Jamin, I accidentally call him Isaac. It freaks me out and I hate it.

25. I have a freakish-looking marble-sized hand tumor on the top of my right wrist. Dr. Garcia tells me it's just a ganglion cyst .... basically a minor thing but a serious annoyance. Occasionally my three middle fingers will go numb. Dr. Garcia referred me to his hand surgeon and I'm planning to pay him a visit once I'm not pregnant anymore (I think I have enough doctors for the time being!)

26. Despite my now proficient use of needles, I *still* have to look away EVERY SINGLE TIME I have a blood draw. There are just some things you don't ever get used to.

27. I've had my packed hospital bag sitting by the door for the last 7 weeks, and I'm convinced that the one time I forget to bring my cellphone to the doctor with me will inevitably be the time I am sent to the hospital in labor.

28. I find myself extremely annoyed by the women who sail through pregnancy with zero complications but yet have the nerve to make a huge fuss about minor things like swollen feet.

29. I absolutely, unequivocally, can not WAIT to have my body and my life back ... yet at the same time I know, without a doubt (because I am nuts), that in the very near future I will feel extremely sad and miss being pregnant.

30. I am astounded to think of how drastically my perspective has changed from the first pregnancy to the third. The things that seemed so gigantically worrisome the first time -- like whether I'd require a C-Section or whether I'd master the art of breastfeeding -- really seem so trivial to me now. I could honestly care less about that stuff at this point, as long as my baby ends up safely at home with me.

31. I've had to physically restrain myself from choking people who find out about my bedrest situation and make comments like, "I sure wish **I** could lay in bed all day and have people waiting on **me** hand and foot!!!" ...... as if being stripped of your freedom, confined to your bed for 23 hours a day and allowed to do NOTHING beyond wiping your own bottom and worrying endlessly about the safety of your baby and the well-being of your family is actually a VACATION and not TORTURE.

32. My needle bruises have served as comic relief throughout my pregnancy. About 2 months ago I was making an "emergency" trip to Dr. Garcia's office ... it was one of those scheduled over the phone, be-here-in-30-minutes kind of appointments. I have *never* seen any other provider at his office, because I just have too much going on and no one else really wants to deal with me, but on this day Dr. Garcia was out so they stuck me in quickly to see a midwife named Mia, who was super sweet. She made jovial conversation with me, checked me out, and then lifted my shirt to do the "push on your belly" maneuver .... at which point she stopped dead in her tracks. Her lighthearted demeanor immediately became urgently serious, and she pulled up a chair, sat down next to my exam table, and grabbed my hand. Thinking she must've seen something hugely problematic, I began to panic. Then she looked right into my eyes and said, "Kristi, I need you to tell me right now how you got those bruises on your stomach. Is your husband unhappy about the pregnancy?"

33. In spite of all the hardships and challenges this whole experience has brought us, I don't regret our decision to take the plunge. Even if I had known eighteen months ago all that was in store for us, I would choose to do it again without hesitation. I'm just so grateful to be pregnant.

Ending the Hiatus!

So I'm sure all 4 of my blog fans have undoubtedly noticed that I've been totally absent lately. The last few weeks I've been quite grumpy and just couldn't really think of anything remotely positive to say. Every time I would log on and start to update my blog, a bunch of angry complaints and whines would pour out and, not wanting to preserve my ugliness for all to see, I would hit the delete button. Trust me when I say, you should thank me for it.

So here's the condensed version of the last three weeks, to catch you all up to speed:

From an emotional standpoint, I've been a bit of a mess. Super hormonal, super grouchy .... and super annoying I'm sure. Mostly this has stemmed from an overwhelming frustration at my confinement, my inability to do anything for myself without some version of a babysitter chastising me like I'm 10 years old again, and my general lack of freedom and normalcy. Cabin fever doesn't even begin to describe it. We're talking about TEN FULL WEEKS of bedrest, afterall. Then there has been my constant inner battle, dealing with my intense discomfort for depending on other people, and my general refusal to accept help. My control freak issues have been especially ugly to deal with. The Lord is really trying to work that outta me and I've just been kicking and screaming the whole way.

From a medical standpoint, not much has changed. My cervix has continued to shorten, and at last measurement was back down to 1.7cm, which was the same measurement I had the day I was admitted to the hospital. The polyhydramnios has also returned, so I was back on another 72hour course of Indocin to try and reduce the fluid. We won't know if that was successful until tomorrow, when I see Dr. Mann again and have another ultrasound to measure everything. At this point, even if the extra fluid is not gone, our options are limited, because Indocin can not be taken at or beyond week 32 (can cause heart defects in baby past that time). So the course I took at week 31 was our last shot at reducing the fluid.

I've had a few issues w/ my blood work .... mostly my hemoglobin and hematocrit levels are continuing to lower, this is mostly just causing me to feel wiped out and icky. At my last two visits to the hematologist, my blood pressure was way low, around 80/59 .... so they gave me some IV fluids to try and perk me up.

Dr. Garcia told me yesterday that my cervix is now about 1cm dilated, which is really nothing to write home about.

So it's with much amazement that I report: I am still pregnant, and I could likely stay that way for a while longer! If I'm just being honest I must admit, I NEVER NEVER NEVER in a million years thought we'd get to week 33. But here we are, and I'm embarrassed to look back and realize once again that my faith has been sorely lacking.

Saw my OB yesterday, the hematologist today, and will see my peri tomorrow. I am interested to see how Jamin has grown since our last measurement, he should be about 4.5 - 5 lbs now if all is well! Isn't that astounding?

I promise I won't take a long absence again .... after all, I have 4 whole fans who are counting on me! But the break was a necessary one, and for your benefit, I promise!

Awesome News!!

Today was a big day. I got to shave my legs AND put on makeup AND dry my hair! WHEW, I know, stop the press, right? Well for me it was a big deal anyways. I actually felt somewhat like a normal person.

But wait .... my day got even better. Way better in fact. First of all, today marks 29weeks 0days. A huge victory! Second, I had my weekly check-in with Dr. Mann today (my perinatologist) and we got a fantastic report! I was actually super nervous leading up to this appointment, because I had the + Ffn test last week and my contractions have become progressively more painful and more frequent over the last three days especially. So I was practically holding my breath during the ultrasound today, to the point that I was laying there thinking, "well, at least my hospital bag is packed already". Once again my lack of faith was showing.

As it turned out, my cervix measured 2.5cm today! That's great compared to my previous measurements! And .... Jamin has gained a whole pound in the last three weeks. He's now up to 2lbs 14oz! Goodness I breathed such a huge sigh of relief.

Dr. Mann is still concerned about the contractions, so she gave me some oral terbutaline to take as needed since my insurance company is still denying the terbutaline pump. Her other gripe was my weight. Again. I'm telling you, she just really never seems to get past that. I have gained back about 2.5 of the 4lbs I had lost in the hospital .... thanks in part to the delicious chocolate cake that Mrs. Parmer baked me and the yellow iced cookies that Jerah brought! YUM. I tried to tell Dr. Mann that there was really no need to worry, because the Girl Scout down the street promised that my six boxes of cookies should be arriving by next Tuesday, and this means that five of them will be gone by Friday. But apparently she wasn't convinced.

So she's putting me on a special high-protein diet. She wants me to consume EIGHTY GRAMS of protein a day! I don't even know if that's humanly possible, I guess we'll find out. She wants me to accomplish this by drinking three protein shakes a day each containing at least 20grams, plus eating my normal three meals a day totaling 20 more grams. I told her I'm worried that the three shakes will fill me up and make it so I'm not hungry enough to eat three normal sized meals .... and she told me if I have to pick between a shake or a meal she wants me to drink the shake. I'm glad I asked b/c I probably would've done the opposite thinking it was the better choice.

So ... tomorrow James is heading out to GNC to do some protein shopping. I think it's too bad that I'm confined to bed, otherwise we could take advantage of this opportunity to pump me up and enter a bodybuilding contest. Wonder if they allow pregnant women to enter the competition? Hmm. Of course, my legs are in the beginning stages of muscle atrophy due to five weeks of constant laying, and I don't think they give out an award for "worst atrophy". Pooh. I could totally win that one.

Thank you to everyone who is saying prayers for us, clearly God is hearing and He is unfolding a miracle before our eyes! We are so grateful to have made it this far, and even more grateful that it appears we will be able to squeeze a few more weeks out of this pregnacy! God is good.

Happy Valentines Day!!

So it turns out that spending every moment of every day stuck in bed makes it pretty much to impossible to do any meaningful shopping for your Valentine. Sorry honey. This is the best I'm able to do under the circumstances.

TOP 5 REASONS I LOVE BEING JAMES' VALENTINE:

1. James always makes me laugh. Always. He has this knack for taking extremely scary or stressful moments and making an inappropriatly hilarious comment to break up the tension. For instance, if we're at the doctor's office waiting nervously for test results, he will complain that there's never anything to read at the OB other than "Modern Vagina" Magazine, or he'll start analyzing the breastfeeding poster. It's like his goal in life is to make me smile.

2. I never EVER worry that he will trade me in for a younger, hotter wife. Because somehow he still thinks I'm young and hot, and he tells me so all the time. I have no idea how he believes this to be true, but I'm just glad that's the way it is. He even thinks fat and pregnant is still sexy. Go figure.

3. He is insanely loyal and protective of his 4 girls. God help you if you try to mess with his wife, his daughter, his mama, or his baby sister. A ferocious torrent of carnage and destruction will be released upon you.

4. James is an awesome dad. He has learned the difference between Littlest Pet Shop and Puppy in My Pocket. He fully grasps the importance of owning a ballgown and tiara to match every princess, and he will gladly stand in line for over an hour to meet Ariel. He isn't afraid to be the only man in attendance at the Glass Slipper Ball. He lives to make us happy.

5. Through all the trials and obstacles we've faced in recent years, especially during the times when I am overcome with worry and fear, he always tells me, "We'll be alright". And 99% of the time, I think he actually believes it.

Honey, you are a fantastic husband and father and I love you dearly. I pray that Jamin inherits your soft heart and your strong mind. And your sense of humor. And your lips. And maybe not your legs ... ya know, for the boy's sake. But all the rest. I pray that one day he will grow up to love his mother as much as you love yours, and to love and care for his own wife the way that you do me. Of course, I will have to take her down and arm wrestle her for his affection .... but we have several years before we have to worry about that. Happy Valentine's Day!!

Gracie wanted to write a "Valen-time" too. I typed out exactly what she told me:

Dear Daddy,

Happy Valentime's Day. I love you. Will you be my valentime? When I grow up I want to marry you. We will live in a tall building in Big City. We will read magazines and play on the computer and eat macaroni for dinner every night.

Love, Gracie.