NOT HAPPY.

So it turns out that a much-anticipated ultrasound scheduled for "early morning" translates in hospital time to 2:30 pm. I was just about outta my mind all day waiting and waiting and waiting.

They finally wheeled me down just after 2:00 and then I sat alone in an exam room for what felt like an eternity. More waiting.

At last the ultrasound tech appeared, got me changed into the lovely white sheet and we finally got started a little after 2:30. She spent a great deal of time observing and measuring baby's heart, brain, and other anatomy. Repeatedly she kept saying how beautiful and how perfect he looks. Thank you Lord. He is actually measuring big for the first time today -- about a week ahead of schedule. She was very pleased with this, since he's likely to be a preemie so the bigger the better. He now weighs 1 lb 10 oz.

Finally came time for the dreaded "transvaginal" portion of the exam, to measure the cervix. I seriously think I stopped breathing for like two minutes ........ anxiety overload. I've been so desperate for a good long measurement that would allow me to go home.

Alas, not today. Once again I knew the instant I looked at the screen. I could see clearly .... short cervix, and placenta hasn't budged. The tech took some measurements, said she was "stretching it" as best she could for my sake ..... but only came up with 2.0 cm.

I layed there alone again for another 20-30 minutes waiting nervously for Dr. Mann to come in and deliver her verdict. When she finally appeared I could tell she was pretty disappointed too. She knows how badly I want to go home to my family. She apologized and then confirmed what I already knew: I'm stuck here.

She then measured my amniotic fluid and said the polyhydramnios has returned. It's measuring 20 cm, which is not terribly high, but it's still enough to put extra pressure on the cervix and cause it to further shorten. We have seen repeatedly now with the last two pregnancies --- every time the fluid goes up, my cervix shortens. She ordered another 72-hour course of Indocin (my fourth now with this pregnancy), which should help reduce contractions and hopefully lessen the fluid.

She also ordered the betamethasone injections to begin tomorrow. This is a series of 2 steriod shots, given 24 hrs apart, which help to ripen the baby's lungs. It's basically a precautionary measure they take, so that if/when the baby comes early then they've already gotten a jump-start on lung maturity. I've had these before with both Jamin and Gracie so I know they work! Only downside is they hurt like @%$!!!!! ...... way worse than all my other shots combined ....... so I'm definitely not looking forward to getting those again. Maximum benefit of the betamethasone is at 2 weeks after getting the shots, and there is some benefit at 4 weeks post-shot. After that the beneficial effects seem to wain. She said they would repeat them again 8 weeks after, if baby hasn't arrived yet, which would be 32 weeks. They can only be repeated once.

Baby is head-down and sitting low, which - together with the extra fluid - explains the pain and pressure I've been feeling all week in my cervix. I'm reeeeeeally hoping the Indocin may help with this. The placenta has not moved since lsat week, so at this point we're still dealing with a marginal previa.

She's keeping all my other meds the same --- I got my weekly 17P shot yesterday, to fight pre-term labor. I'm still getting my lovenox shots and aspirin every night to prevent a blood clot. Subcutanous terbutaline which I get through my pump 24/7 to reduce contractions. I'm on Macrobid for the bladder infection. Colace and Metamucil twice a day for the inevitable side-effect that happens when you're laying still 23.5 hours a day. I get an additional calcium supplement and a folic acid supplement to counter-act bone loss that's associated with long term use of lovenox. Librax for the irritable bowel syndrome, which allows me to eat. Ambien at night so I can sleep in this awful bed. Protonix and handfuls of Tums for the heartburn. Oh, and a prenatal vitamin. And now of course we're adding Indocin and Betamethasone.

So basically I am single-handedly keeping the hospital pharmacy in business. I hate hate hate hate taking this much medication. Especially while I'm pregnant.

James is on his way up to see me, he tried to sneak out of work an hour early so he could get here before dark this time. I had sat here and cried for like an hour after my ultrasound, and in an effort to cheer me up my nurse called Dr. Mann and requested "wheelchair privileges" for me. This means that my visitors are allowed to wheel me downstairs to a little garden area where I can sit outside for a bit and get some fresh air. I am really looking forward to it .... everyone keeps saying how crisp and fall-like the weather is this week, and I haven't breathed outside air in 8 days so I'm eager to feel it on my face, even if it's just for a few minutes. It might just be enough of a relief to keep me from jumping out the window for another few days.

Please continue to pray for me. Emotionally I'm having a hard time with the idea of being here for another week or longer. My body and mind are both weary. I want my family back. I want my bed back. I want my life back.