HERE WE GO AGAIN...

Tonight I'm blogging from a hospital bed. That means my day did not go well.

I went to my weekly peri appointment today at 1:00. There Dr. Mann saw that my cervix has thinned down to just 1.7 cm thick. Seven days ago it was 2.7, so we've lost an entire centimeter in a very short time. It should measure about 4-ish.

Apparently 1.7 is down into the "panic" range. Dr. Mann took one look and immediately declared that I was heading straight to the hospital. Her immediate goal was to start the betamethesone (steroid) injections to boost the baby's lung maturity. It takes 48 hours to get the full effect from those (2 doses given 24hours apart), so she wanted to begin them asap. She also wanted to begin monitoring and administer the tocolytic drugs if the contractions get too frequent. The baby weighs approximately 1lb 14oz.

Unfortunately I was there at her office by myself, with James at work and Gracie picked up from school by my parents. So this was very difficult news to swallow all alone. I stayed totally calm and focused while talking to Dr. Mann, trying to understand every detail and ask lots of questions. But once she left the room I lost it. All I could think was "I CAN NOT have a baby at 26 weeks, it's NOT an option". I know way too much about the survival rates and the long-term neurological and physical complications. Even a momentary thought of living that is simply unbearable.

I clammored out of Dr. Mann's office and down to the elevators, while trying to call James and explain that I was coming home to pack a hospital bag and he needed to meet me there. My mind was so jumbled, and apparently multi-tasking was more than my brain could handle. I inadvertently rode up and down the elevators twice in each direction before I could figure out which one was the right floor to get to the bridge for the parking deck. Dr. Mann's office is inside the main building at Piedmont Hospital, so that's a lot of floors! I rode for quite some time, trying to hide my obvious tears and confusion and avoid the stares from the doctors and nurses who loaded, unloaded, and then loaded again before I could figure out where I was going. The whole thing was quite ridiculous, given that I've been to that office at least two dozen times and under normal circumstances I can get there and back with my eyes closed.

I finally made it to the car and began calling family and friends. My dear friend, Jerah, promised she would call everyone from the church and ask for prayer. She said all the right things and really calmed me down! By the time I fought traffic and made it home I was almost normal again. I packed enough clothes for 4 nights, just in case, and packed an overnight bag for Gracie so she can stay with my parents. James and I then loaded back up and ventured to Northisde.

We got here around 5:00ish. It was weird checking in at admissions because every other woman in line with me was gigantically pregnant. Apparently if you're being induced, you're supposed to check in between 5 and 5:30 the night before. So there I stood, surrounded by relieved women, ready to pop and giddy with excitement that it was almost time to celebrate their big moment. As we each got to the front of the line, the admissions lady asked us how many weeks we were. All I heard was 39, 38 1/2, 40(!), and one 37 weeks. Then it's my turn: I tell them 26weeks 0 days. Everyones eyes turn to stare and I get a few looks of sympathy. And for a moment the fear rose up again.

They quickly put me in a room .... first actually before the tummy-popped induction girls who arrived before me. I'm on the first floor (I think? This place is huge) .... room B11. After seven thousand consent forms and admissions papers, they started an IV of fluids and gave me my first betamethazone shot (steroid). James had run out searching for some dinner when they did those .... and with the steriod shot I literally had to turn my head and bite down into my pillow to keep from screaming. That pain was horrific. I remembered from Gracie's pregnancy that those hurt badly; but time had erased the memory of just how bad they really were. Guess that's a good thing really. I have to get one more tomorrow night and then I'm done with those.

My other meds have pretty much stayed the same: I'm getting my Lovenox shots every 24hours, my 17P shot on Friday, aspirin, and all the rest. They've also added terbutaline shots when my contractions get too frequent, but so far they haven't been bad.

The plan at this point is to keep me here at least until Friday. The midwife came by earlier tonight and said quite honestly she has no idea how long I will be here .... could go home as early as Friday or could have to stay for another 10 weeks. It all depends on what happens in the next two days. On Friday Dr. Mann will come by to give me another ultrasound and re-measure everything. Based on what she sees she will make the judgement call at that time.

I have two doctors coming by tomorrow - one is Dr. Mann's partner and the other is Dr. Garcia's partner. Then Mann and Garcia will both come on Friday.

I was given an Ambien about 25 min ago (my first one ever, little nervous about how that will work out!) .... so I'm praying it will turn my brain off for the night and help me rest. I had to beg James to leave and go home to sleep in a real bed instead of this pathetic chair-thingy. He has refused all night but finally about an hour ago agreed. He got up at 4am this morning to drive his mother to Piedmont for an upper-GI test, so he is running on empty. Praying he gets some good rest tonight too, he sure needs it.